How Delicious Was the Glow
by jodief1
Summary: Will our heroines, Maud and Sue, overcome their fears and Victorian awkwardness after the end of the 2005 BBC adaptation of Sarah Waters' Fingersmith? You bet your velvet-tippin' arse!
1. Chapter 1

"**How Delicious Was the Glow..." (Part One) **

**by **

**jodief1**

**A/N: **This fic continues from the end of the 2005 BBC TV adaptation of _Fingersmith_, by Sarah Waters. (Owned by her and Sally Head Productions; no copyright infringement intended!) It was originally published on the sadly defunct fanfic site fingersmithfever dot com, which can be searched on the Wayback Machine for those of you who are so disposed.

**A/N 2 my fellow Calzona fans:** If you haven't yet read/seen _Fingersmith_, check it out RIGHT NOW! Then come back and read this series. :)

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><p>I clasped her lips with mine, but awkwardly, like the neophyte I was, for all my carnal knowledge; and when I drew back, I touched Sue's face and found myself beaming at her. Sue instinctively returned my smile, but somewhat dimly. Did she perhaps realize, as I did in that instant, that I hadn't smiled in almost a year? After a heartbeat, the muscles of my cheeks and jaw began to twinge, so unused were they to that form of exertion. By force of habit, my gaze fluttered down, and I began to turn away — but I caught myself, and forced my eyes to meet Sue's. Suddenly I felt winded, overwhelmed by her closeness; and so I rested my forehead on hers, just as I had done the last time we kissed, at Mrs Cream's. I pressed against her, wishing we could merge completely and be done at last with conflict and misunderstanding, the ugly stepsisters of independence.<p>

I hadn't realized that I was caressing Sue's cheek until she raised her hand to cover my own. She caught her breath, as if she were going to say something, but a long moment passed before she did; and even then, she kept swallowing and clearing her throat as she spoke:

"I, I ... I thought I'd lost you! I came here to find out where you'd gone ... as I never thought you'd've stayed here ... after your — after Mr Lilly, I mean ..."

And then she shook her head, sat back, and looked up and away from me, trying to compose herself, and her thoughts too, I suppose, before continuing:

"When I heard, I ... — oh, Maud, I thought I'd lost you, and I fixed on searching the world over to find you, even if you'd gone across the sea, even if you'd got married, and had babies ... !"

Here, I confess, I laughed out loud at the thought that I might have married a continental Catholic and borne ten children. My laugh must have carried a bitter note, however, for Sue looked quickly back at me; and so I leaned forward to touch her face again, reassuring her. "No, no, my dearest Sue, it's just that I'd never countenance a husband, not after all that's happened, not even if I were able to reach an understanding with a man who, ... who does not care for women either. Please believe that I would have no companion apart from you — and I'm so very glad that you've returned to me, for otherwise I'd have gone to my grave alone!"

Then Sue smiled, but simultaneously she fell against me and wept freely for some time, her sobs alternating with laughter; and then I could see just how rigidly she had been holding herself. Up till then, I think, the slightest chink in her defenses might have undone her, and me. I held her tightly, willing away that familiar stab of envy as I marveled at her freedom of emotion: I myself was still incapable of tears. Later, perhaps, they would come.

When she seemed to have recovered, I tried to look into her face, and I asked her if she was all right. "Better now," she said, as she wiped her face on her sleeve, smoothed her skirts, and began to smile once more in spite of herself, "though we'd better get up, love, — my knees is killing me!"

I laughed again, and felt that Sue would always have this effect on me: she would sweep away all my cobwebs and throw open my shutters to the air and light, even if I persisted in closing them.

Sue released me, just long enough to push herself up; and then she reached down for me and helped me to stand. "Blimey," she said, laughing and blinking, "we forgot your papers!" So she leaned over and swept them up quickly with her long arms, and then stepped lightly over to the table, where she stood for a moment straightening up the pile. "God forbid the Inkers should see these — they might think that you're ... that you're ..."

"...And what am I?" I whispered into her hair, for I had silently embraced her from behind and was kissing the base of her neck. I felt her arms drop as she released the papers; and then she turned and pressed herself firmly against me from head to toe, and her open lips found mine.

Several luscious minutes later, Sue moved her mouth to my ear and said, "Why, you're mine!"


	2. Chapter 2

"**How Delicious Was the Glow…" (Part Two)**

**by **

**Jodief1**

Although I was beginning to ache from the wanting of her, I could not pull Sue upstairs to bed quite yet; for behind the flush of passion I still could see the pallor in her cheeks, and I knew that she must eat something soon. And so I touched her face and said, "You must be hungry — I will go fetch some food and bring it to you." I tried to speak gently, soothingly; but my voice trembled instead and caught in my throat. "I s'pose I could use a little something," she managed to say, "but I want to stay with you. …Downstairs?" Her voice quavered as well and betrayed a hint of anxiety: did she fear that I would disappear?

We walked to the stairwell, clutching one another; but as we descended, we began to feel more and more awkward, anticipating perhaps the intrusive presence of others, and an end to our reverie. And so we reached the kitchen arm in arm, evidently appearing ordinary enough to Mrs Inker, who looked up and emitted a little cry.

"Oh my good Lord, it's Miss Smith, is it, come back to Briar? Oh Miss Smith, I do hope you have come to stay with us, for poor Miss Maud — haven't I said it, often? — has seemed so lonesome, all alone in this great house. However she manages without any human company, save Mr Inker and me, I'm sure I don't know. And what terrible things to have suffered — such a young widow — and she don't even answer to her married name, it hurt her so! But here you are, and now look how my dear Miss Maud is beaming! You're just the thing, Miss Smith, you are, and what a blessing!"

I glanced sidelong at Sue just in time to see her blush, and we exchanged quick, slight smiles. I took Sue's hand firmly in mine and led her to the table, saying, "Yes, Mrs Inker, Susan has come back to us, to stay. Isn't that right, Susan?" And I hoped that Mrs Inker did not see the twinkle in my eye as I turned to Sue and gave her hand a squeeze.

Her smile broadened, and she kept looking at me as she said, "Oh yes, indeed — I will never leave again, so long as Miss Maud will have me here." I stifled a laugh but then realized I should respond, and coughed a little. "Yes, yes! … well, then, Mrs Inker, I believe that Susan would like a little supper: she's just had a long journey, and she'll be wanting to make an early evening of it."

Mrs Inker snapped to attention and began to bustle about us. "Oh, I'm sure you have, Miss Smith — of course, of course! I have soup in the pot, that I've been boiling for Miss Maud and Mr Inker and me - but there's more than enough, my dear, — I'll spoon you up a great bowlful, and don't you look as if you could use it! … Poor dear thing, just look at you …." And she continued clucking to herself in this way as she hurried through the kitchen to serve the soup. Sue and I found ourselves gazing at one another again, though it seemed to me that we had grown a little shyer. I clasped her hand, without thinking - but when I became conscious of Mrs Inker's return, I began to pat her arm instead, as a friend might; and when Sue coughed, I knew that she was suppressing a giggle.

Sue drank her soup quickly, while Mrs Inker beamed in approval — and I willed myself to be patient. My own insides felt scrambled, and I had no interest in food; in the end I had to avoid looking at Sue altogether, for my heart and stomach were tumbling so, that I was almost ill. When Mrs Inker offered me some supper as well, I could only smile wanly and shake my head — all the while thinking, there's only one thing that can satisfy me now! Sue felt it too, I know, because she thanked Mrs Inker rather breathlessly after finishing her soup, and she took her leave as quickly as she could without causing offense. But I remembered something as Sue stood to leave, and I held up my hand to check her.

"Mrs Inker," I said sweetly, "Susan is so very tired that I should like to allow her to rest undisturbed in the morning; and so I wonder, could you give me a little fruit and bread with which I can make her a little breakfast — and spare both of you the trouble of going up and down the stairs?" Sue's head jerked up; and while Mrs Inker busied herself around the kitchen yet again, Sue pinned me with a saucy stare, eyebrow arched and lip curled. Boldly I held her gaze, until Mrs Inker came to hand me a little parcel in a basket. I bowed my head slightly to my good servant and thanked her; and as an afterthought, I requested that Mr Inker leave Susan's bag outside her room at his earliest convenience. Then I extended my arm to Sue, and invited her to come with me, while Mrs Inker wished us a pleasant evening and tut-tutted happily to herself.

At the first landing of the stair, Sue spun round and very swiftly and silently pushed me against the wall; and as she held back my hands with hers, she kissed me fiercely. I gasped. My desire swelled to match hers, and I registered only the most fleeting of thoughts: thank God for her stealth!

After a few moments, we managed to resume our ascent, though we held hands as tightly as we could. When at last we reached the top of the stairs, we moved lightly across the floor to the door of my bedroom, on the tips of our toes, out of habit. I put down my basket and fumbled with the key around my neck — for I had taken to locking my room, but why, I cannot say. Sue pressed behind me, reaching around my waist, just as I had done to her in the library; and when finally I turned the lock and pushed the door open, I slipped away from her, reaching down to carry the basket through the gap. I dropped the basket on the other side and held the door while she passed through; then I shut it, and locked it with shaking hands.

When I turned round, she pressed me against the door once more and continued kissing me intently, but more slowly and deliberately than she had done before. I returned her pressure and her kisses, and I began to propel her backward, toward the bed. Our hands by now were working at clasps and buttons, moving as of their own volition; and I confess I can't remember exactly how we slipped between the cool sheets, — or how we caressed one another, until the fever broke. It is a pity, for if only I could describe that night, I might create a work of such erotic potency that — …well, I should like to think that even the late Mr Lilly would have blushed to read it!


	3. Chapter 3

"**How Delicious Was the Glow..." (Part Three) **

**by **

**Jodief1**

That night, at last I had the dream that I had willed myself to dream, all these months since last Sue had slept in my bed. Now that I have read Sue's account of all that came before, I know that this dream was the same one that had come to her in the madhouse — though she had feared it, when I would have welcomed it.

When the thin light woke me early in the morning, I rolled over sleepily and groped toward Sue; but I reached into air, and felt nothing. At first I began to doubt my sanity, to wonder if all of the previous day had been a dream; but then I felt a depression in the pillow next to me, and saw the covers thrown back on that side of the bed. My mouth dried. What a fool, I thought, to think that she could love you, still; what folly to think that she might stay, now that her fortune was secure. The panic was spiralling, dizzying, and I hardly knew what I was doing, when I sprang up and called out, "Sue! Sue!" In the ensuing silence, my heart stopped — but only for a moment.

Then I heard a rustling in Sue's old room, where I had been keeping my chamber-pot, in her absence; and finally Sue herself cocked her head round the door, to see what was wrong. Her eyes crossed as a tendril of hair fell down her nose, and she puffed at it comically: her hands seemed to be occupied elsewhere. In spite of myself, I burst into tearful laughter. She laughed as well and said, "Oh, love, I'm just here, washing up a bit. I didn't mean to wake you! Just a mo — " …before leaning away again.

I fell back against my pillow, my hand against my breast, to try to still my heart. My dear Sue! I knew I must forgive myself in order to trust her, and so resolved at that moment to do away with my self-loathing, with Sue's help. After another few minutes of splashing, Sue padded back into the room, holding only a towel in front of her. I rolled onto my side and held up the sheet for her to climb in, — and she squealed, as she slid under; for she had been out too long, and had started to shiver. She burrowed next to me, and I wrapped myself around her.

"Here I am," she whispered, "No worries ...!"

The now-familiar knot was beginning to form in my stomach, but I also sensed that I should do my own washing-up before undertaking anything else; and so I clambered over Sue, who cried out, "Wotcheer? 'Ere I am, cold as a witch's tit, and off you go, leavin' me to freeze!"

I laughed, and wriggled about on her till she groaned — but then I slipped out from under the sheet and landed on the floor. She reached out after me, and I managed to jump away just before she could grab me in a most indelicate way.

"It's my turn," I said, as I ran to the next room, "— but I'll be back soon enough to finish warming you up!"

The previous night, we had only touched one another as she had once touched me; and though it was heavenly, I had other surprises in mind, culled from my encyclopaedic readings. I would never care to do many of the things I had seen in books, but there were a few that I had taken particular note of, — and these had served me well on those lonely nights before Sue had come to me. I very much doubted that Sue had had much experience apart from me, despite her earlier willingness to assume the role of tutor; and so I took the lead when I returned to bed, by tunneling down under the covers. I got such a rise out of Sue, that I myself tipped over with her — and, as I inched my way back up afterward, my cheeks burned at the thought that one of the Inkers might have heard her whooping! But then I saw the heaving of Sue's chest, the glistening of her open lips, and the fire of reciprocity in her eyes; and my excitement eclipsed all coherent thought — for the next few hours, at least.

End


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